Project Ayer - Civil War 1863

I have not yet been favored with a letter from home; though I shall look hopefully until one arrives. I am now in command of the Regt., Maj. Knox being home on leave of Absence. Everything thus far goes very smoothly: the men and officers seem to feel very kindly, and to perform their various duties cheerfully and with fidelity. I make it a point to be around to see to everything, and this keeps me pretty busy during the forenoon. The Regt has become somewhat deficient in drill, and now, having new orders for two hours of company drill daily, I take hold myself and drill this or that company for a short time, thus securing accuracy and uniformity of drill.

All this is well as my other duties, I perform with much pleasure. I reflect with satisfaction that my position has been given me by the voice of a majority of those officers whom I have passed through a bloody and eventful campaign; and though I can make no great promises, I trust I may be able to so conduct as to retain the confidence, respect, and good will of those above and below me. I feel that I am in the path of duty, and I believe, my dear Sister, we all are. For this reason I am never unhappy of late. Though I cannot see into the future, I believe God will take care of that. The Present is all with which I have to do, and that is what I am endeavoring to live for. I love to dwell upon this theme dearest, – I mean the Providence of God. I believe in his over-ruling power, his love, his wisdom and goodness. I love to read the Bible and I endeavor to read it daily. Its admonition and counsel, its story of redemption, and its promises of a glorious future, what beloved sister, can be more engaging, and what should share more of our attention. I said I was happy in the reflection that our family is situated as it now is. It seems to be of divine appointment. We have done what we can and are still ready to do what we can for good “Old Flag” and sisters are I think in the best place possible for them. May God bless us all in our various positions and deal with us in mercy for his son’s sake. Please remember me affectionately to Uncle Joseph. I can never forget his great kindness to me, nor cease to love him. I suppose you are all living cozily together. I hope babies are well and that you are fully recovered. I hope to hear from you sometime in March when my doubts and anxieties will be removed. I have read one letter from home sources since leaving there and it is only four or five weeks. This makes me hopeful for the future. Please send me immediately by mail, my Buckskin Gauntlets. Tell me if I can do anything to relieve you of your toils. Please say to Mr. Bandy’s people that circumstances so shortened my stay in Washington that I could not see Charles, that I left the can at the Hotel, carefully labeled and wrote to him [une??diately]. I can not hear whether he ever received either the letter or can. Do they know? Please inform me. I was very sorry it so happened but I could not well avoid it. Give me the latest news from Pa. I have not heard from him since leaving home. You know Dear, I am anxious. Please write upon receipt of this.

I have just had a pleasant visit with George, he and I having gone to visit each other the same day and having passed each on the way. I returned immediately and he remained until I arrived.

I forward the back letter from Father which you sent me by sister S. I have not yet heard from him direct. How do you like his proposal of “resignation”? I think under the circumstances that its propriety would be so obvious in consideration of his age & that it would be approved by all.

Now Vinnie, do write. Sometimes I think I may get a letter soon; and then again I despair. At such times, I look forward, longingly to the “Ides” of March, feeling that I shall welcome the chilling winds and furious blasts for which that month is so proverbial, in the assurance that their keen edge will be softened by a warm, kindly affectionate letter from my tenderly beloved sister.

I hear with deep regret of Grandmother’s illness. I cannot hope that she will long survive. It can truly be said of her she hath lived for others. I believe there awaits her a rich & glorious reward. My love to Uncle & the babies. God bless you

Ira Ayer, Sr. resigned 1 March 1863. He was 60 years old and suffering health problems in Baton Rouge.

We are under orders to be ready to move tomorrow morning. It is understood that our Division will be held in Reserve. I think the attempt is to be across the Rappahannock by crossing at some point below. I understood that the movement has already commenced. I am in command of the Regt. and through grace ready for duty. May the Lord give us success and make us strong in [H???]. I will write as often as I can. Love to all.

Your good, kind long letter reached me this afternoon, and I hasten to acknowledge its receipt and to tell you how much good it did me, Vinnie; that was a good kind, long letter; and to tell you the truth, I half suspected I should not hear from you until plump March, to pay me for bantering; and though I could not have blamed you, this expectation made your letter all the more welcome. I am very sorry, dear sister that your little ones have been so ill. I hope the dear little fellow will soon overcome this tendency to this painful illness. Does he seem to be strong in other respects? Is he looking as well as I was at home? Dear lovely boy! He has a noble head, and I know a kindly, noble, forbearing nature. May Heaven protect him, and preserve him to be a blessing to the world and the pride of his friends and mother, and dear little Sis, too, has been unwell. Vinnie, did you think me unnecessarily severe or critical at times when at home? If so pardon me. I did not mean to be. Perhaps I was a little nervous from my stiffness and wound. You know dear I would not willingly have injured your feeling or those of darling Iris for the world. I love the child dearly. How her soldier uncle would love to fee the pressure of her tiny arms, and ruddy cheek tonight! Oh! Vinnie; if I could only spend a few days now with you and the babes, and call upon all my friends. I would be satisfied.

Tell me plainly, do you think any feel as though I do not regard their friendship because I did not call upon them? Have you ever heard anything said which would indicate that any felling excited either way? I feel more upon it because all manifested so much interest and friendship for me. I would not have them think that I was unmindful of it. But you know how it was, dearest. He once seemed so good. I was weak, tired, and desirous of rest. I was home only a short time at most. Much of the time I was actually suffering; and when I might have gone out weather, or other circumstances seemed to prevent. We were getting sisters off to school and that took some of my time and strength. And so it went, you know. – I need not rehearse farther. If you deem it proper or necessary, you might make a little explanation to such as you deemed best; – but I leave all this to your impressions and judgment. Only tell what your own views are. – I am glad you have visited Aunt Sarah. She is I think a dear, good woman, who loves us.

It is so bad that you cannot get a good reliable girl! I wish you could at any price. I would gladly see to her pay. Can you not? Do not mind the cost, so you are relieved from so much labor and responsibility. I don’t care a pip for the price, but I want you, dearest, to have rest, and opportunity to attend to the wants of the little ones and to take comfort in body and mind.

I have already sent twenty dollars $20.00 to sisters, and as you have called to my mind their extra expense in attending Grandma’s funeral I will forward them twenty more which will probably carry them well through the expenses of the term. Dear Grandmother! She has gone to that glorious repose which awaits the good and faithful here. She loved us. Our lives long we had been accustomed to look upon her as a mother. She took us to her heart and sympathized with us in our joys and sorrows. She warned us of evil, and affectionately exhorted us to avoid it. Yes dearest, kink, loving Grandmother is now in heaven. Together with those we loved so well who went a little before & with our sainted and beautiful mother. She walks the golden streets of the New Jerusalem, with songs of triumph. Her robes are spotless, and her countenance glorious and her heart swells with rapture for her Savior and Redeemer are there. She and they adore the “Prince of peace”, as with palms of victory, and surrounded by innumerable of the saved and glorified as recalling the tribulation through which they have come up, they remember that henceforth are no sickness, sorrow, pain or death; but that the contest is ended, that “through suffering they are made perfect.” Oh! my sister; is not the Christian scheme lovely, satisfying? The ills of our probation are transformed into blessings; and the eye of faith makes clear all its mysteries. We cannot murmur even at the sorest afflictions; for we are spurred that the hand of God I in them, and that his infinite and changeless love designs them only as a passage-way to an exceeding and eternal weight of glory. May Heaven shower upon us and ours the riches of His Grace, that like those loved ones who have preceded us we may be ready calmly and peacefully to depart when the final summons shall come, feeling that our work is fully accomplished.

I hear from sisters quite often and am much gratified that everything is with them as it is. I think they enjoy themselves well and I believe they will improve in all that is good, lovely and womanly. This will compensate us a hundred fold. They are noble and true go girls, & I love you all, my sisters; I love you all. Vinnie, tell me, can I do anything to render your burdens less []? If so, it shall be my greatest happiness to do it.

I have not yet heard from Pa direct since rejoining my Regt. I am sure he has written me but by some means the letters have miscarried. Do you hear from him often? Cannot you forward a package of his back letters to me? and I will return them when read. I with you think it would be proper for pa to resign, and I think after remaining that long in the service, such a step would receive the universal approval of his friends. As you say, we do not know that he will survive so long; but we must leave this to Providence who doeth all things well. Dear Sister, as a family we four seem to be almost left alone upon the sea of life. But we will fight manfully and bravely the storm and receive in thankfulness the sunshine, assured that nothing can harm or trouble us if we put our faith in God and Truth.

How good it is to have Divine Grace to enlighten and comfort us, and the Bible and its Christ for our Teacher, Example and blessed, glorious Redeemer! Here dearest Vinnie, amid the loss of those we hold most dear, the savior of our fondest social ties, and the great sorrows of our beloved country do I find refuge, consolation and repose. Here, in this blessed book by the Grace of God, do I mean to anchor all my hopes, and by it shape my life, and regulate my conduct.

I think Amanda’s poem very fine. The more I read it the more I like it. It is truthful in narrative and its poetical face has the grim aspect of War.

I was about to quote some of the parts that please me most but I like it all so much that it is hard to select. My thanks to Amanda. I shall not be satisfied without saying to her some day that I am delighted with her Poetry. I wish I could get a few numbers of the “Illustrated News” in which this poem came out. It would excite more interest to start with and be more apt to receive that appreciation which its merits deserve. Pleas tell me what number it is. – Never mind! I can send for it describing it & will do so immediately. I am sure if I do so the boys will be pleased over the poem.

I suppose before this you have heard that the “glorious Old Reserves” have been ordered to bear their stained and tattered Banners to the Capital. There they will sit down a while to repose upon their laurels; for if I mistake not, they receive honorable mentions by all. These veterans, bronzed with the suns and storms of two campaigns, and scarred in many a battle are satisfied with the orders, feeling that they have indeed earned the right to a short respite from their labors. Our places will be filled with new troops and we shall retire to reorganize, re-officer, and fill up.

As for Emma’s repudiation of your kind invitation, I am sure you think with me that it is hardly worth the minding. I am forced to the conclusion that she is possessed of some principals which renders her less as a friend, not irreparable, though I do not doubt she is in some respects worthy.

Yes! that horse! Now you’ve cornered me; – not quite either suffice it to say that it was a very fine horse and a very good one; that I parted with him for what put into my pocket two hundred and twenty Dollars in clean cash, and that by so doing, after having purchased another, I calculate to have saved by the operation just one hundred Dollars clean cash. Now here is a simple example in addition & subtraction for you to work out. I am sure you could not ask me to work it for you.

Thank you, Dear Vinnie, for your views about promotion. I think it probable they are correct. I have received many congratulations from the men of my own company, and I am now satisfied after having been in command of the Regt for about four weeks, I am not aware that any dissatisfaction exists with my administration – indeed so far as the feelings of men & officers in concerned I seem to be more firmly seated than ever. All seem pleased, obedient & respectful & I try to do my duty. I have been Regt. in every position and I think have given satisfaction. We are the 3^rd Div, 1^st Army Corp. Left Grand Div. A. P. – but I suppose shall not be so long as we expect to start for Washington sometime this week. Well Vinnie; this is a good long letter isn’t it? I have spent the whole evening in writing it, and a pleasant one it has been. The Doc sits by my [] writing too. Did I ever tell you about the Doctor? He is a kind pleasant man about sixty, learned, affable & fatherly. You do not know how different campaigning now seems to me than it did before. Id did me a great deal of good to go home, Vinnie, a great deal of good.

You must write as often as you can dearest and I will do the same. You do not know how much I prize your letters. Read Uncle’s letters at the same time as yours, will answer it soon. Give him my continued love. I wonder what kind of a meeting that will be – Pa, Uncle James, Uncle Gorham? – It is a cloudy windy night without; but all is happy, cheerful within. Our wall tent is partly floored. We have a comfortable large bed for two, which I would not care to exchange for the best bed in Washington and our fire burns bright while I write upon a little table made of a cracker box knocked into pieces and nailed together, which I would not care to exchange for the marble covered table of Palaces

Nay! My sister. I would rather be a soldier and fight for my country than to inherit the fortune of a prince. It is good to give ones self to the support of Liberty and it cannot be otherwise. God will give us the victory.

Notes from Alice Wadsworth Ayer Williams and Clementine Ayer Morse (two or Ira’s daughters) say that Ira’s grandmother Nancy Davenport Wadsworth died on 3 July 1863, but from this letter and one before it, it seems she died in January of 1863.

I drop you a short note this morning to let you know that we are quartered in the snuggest possible Barracks, about five miles from Washington, and that all are engaged in making themselves luxuriously comfortable.

Some contrast, you may think with what we have just left. You think right. I now occupy the tent which a Capt and his pretty wife lived in doubtless as harmoniously as two mice. He had fitted it up at and expense of twelve Dollars or more, a month or two since, hoping to be allowed to stay until Spring, at least, or, as they were nine months more, till their term of service expired.

The tent in question, is nicely seated up with pine, planed, has a good floor, a table upon which I now write, shelves, corded bed, stead, and in addition to all this, were left for my use, boxes, a good pail, and ________ oh! horror!!

All this he wanted five Dollars for, & I gave it willingly. So much extravagance is hard to take in at once; but we shall get used to it in time. On the Rappahannock we were only allowed three wall tents to the Regt: – here we can have one for each horse. In subsistence both for horsed and men the difference is about as great.

It is my conviction however, that the Old Reserve Corps will not drink in a sum total per diem of real happiness here, greater than heretofore; but they have earned rest and they must be reorganized; so it is probably for the best. The Division may remain here two months, six, or even ten.

In a letter recently read from Sister Sarah she speaks of Julia’s return home, but does not say why. Was she unable to prosecute her studies? Read a letter from pa last evening. He dwells upon many serious and sublime subjects (in [prasn]) in a style which would do justice to Addison.

I must close this now and take a ride over to Camp Pierpont which is, I believe, about four miles away. How the old stomping ground looks where we did our Sunday soldiering, with a full Regt of men, in perfect uniform, and drill will perhaps be the subject of another letter. Suffice it to say that after four bloody and trying campaigns, the glory of the “Reserve Corps” lies not so much in their outward appearance, as in the fact that on many a hard fought field they have won for themselves the proud title of brave and veteran troops. All who meet us say “you have done your part, well are willing to try them [mout]”. But I doubt whether I enjoy myself here. I think some of applying for a more active position. Circumstances will of course govern me in this respect. I get along finely, so far and I can judge, & hope to be relieved by the major in a day or two when his time of leave expires. Write often, dear sister. I am well and enjoying myself as usual. I congratulate you on having a “Pink of a girl” as I wrote.

Last evening I read a letter from Pa informing me of his resignation; and of his expectation of meeting me in Washington about the 20^th or 22^nd of this month. I need not tell you that I have been happy ever since. I suppose you have been duly informed of his action by letter from him. Pa has certainly done all that his country could ask of him, and more; and he has done it nobly. I am proud of what he has done and think it more appropriate that he should now retire than that he should remain longer in the service. It is fitting that he should do so; and such, I think will be the verdict of all. I am anticipating a pleasant time in Washington with him.

I sometimes feel almost sorry that sister Julia don’t write a little oftener to me. I like to get letters from her, and especially since her ill heath. I have been anxious to hear from her. Perhaps she feels hard toward her brother Ira for some reason.

Well this will find you I suppose preparing to return to Lima. How is sister Julia’s health and is she a going to be able to return? I hear from home so seldom (though I have written quite frequently) that I know but little of home affairs;

__________ _______ I think your standing was fine ___ all indeed that could have been desired and more perhaps than might have been expected. I have no fears as to that; – not much can. – for I know you are sure to make all possible improvement. – I am more anxious as to your health, which should be kept unimpaired. For this reason do not crowd too many studies into a term; and never, even for one moment, yield to any feeling of depression but cultivate a cheerful, happy lively state of mind. I speak of this simply as a health measure, ______ a sort of Oh-let-us-run spirit.

Now, loves; loves; will you write oftener and longer, or won’t you? You don’t know how the soldier loves to hear from home; and how by writing to him those good loving letters that woman, – sisters – can write, you do very much to strengthen his hand and heart in the work to which he has given his life.

We expect our pay the 20^th when I can forward to you each an amount as you may need. Will you be able to make any arrangement until then? – or will you need any before? Please tell me plainly about this; so that I may act accordingly. If you can conveniently make any arrangement it would be well as we my be disappointed in receiving pay as soon as expected. Perhaps Pa will be on hand for the rescue. However, I guess it will come out right in some way. Br George may have it to spare for a few day. – or perhaps Uncle.

Your kind and interesting letter of the 17^th inst reached me this evening. I was very glad to hear once more from you; and from the dear ones at home who have been so reserved in their communications that I am sometimes sadly tempted to retaliate, and leave them as much in the dark as to my health and whereabouts as I find myself in concerning them. I am really glad to know that while Vinnie & the little ones are so sick they can be favored with your presence; and I hope they may soon be fully recovered. I am glad too, to know that you are to have a season of respite from your labors, and will be permitted to pass a season with Vinnie and the little ones. The hours will pass pleasantly indeed; the bright days of Spring are upon us, which you will pass very differently methinks, than last spring attending to the poor soldiers at Fairfax, Alexandria, and on the Peninsula. Soon it will be the first of June, with all its fresh verdure and sweetness. All I can say is – Many a happy hour. If I could be with you, only for a short time, wouldn’t it be a pleasant meeting! But you will see Pa soon, I suppose; for I am looking for him daily. He fixed about the 20^th or 25^th inst as the time for me to expect him. Don’t you look for him before the 30^th for I intend to keep him at least four days with me. I, with you, am very glad that he is about to return. I feel that he has done his whole duty and more, – that he has answered boldly and well the calls of patriotism and that now, for every consideration, he should return to the quiet and rest of home. As you say, his influence among his Town’s people will be needed at this time, and I believe he will be doing a better work for his country at home than in the Field. It is right that the arduous duties of camp should fall to younger hands.

What you say, Dear Brother, is indeed true. As Patriots we have no right to doubt of the success of our cause, nor as Christians should we cease to pray. I shall never doubt that God is upon our side; and if he is with us who can be against us. Now does it comfort and strengthen us, when surrounded by gloom and in the midst of scenes so heart sickening, to know that He who hath proclaimed to us the Gospel of Liberty is both able and willing to deliver us. Oh! that we may both have grace and strength to do our whole duty in this struggle for our Liberty; – yea, through the whole journey of life may the peace and grace of God be with us and ours; so that having passed a happy, useful and honorable life here, we may be fully prepared to enter that upper and better which lies before, there, beloved Brother, shall be no death, no parting, nor sorrow; but happy in the love and presence of our Lord and Savior. We shall find pleasure in the society of the good of all times, and in the contemplation of the wondrous works of our Creator. Oh! dear brother, I do try daily to pray for Divine direction, that I may be enabled to avoid sin, so that I shall finally not come short of heaven; for should I gain all things and in this fail, how miserable should I be. May God bless us both & enable us as we have often talked, to live true, noble, and honest lives; so that whatever we may attain or fail to attain, we shall still be rich in the consciousness of the rectitude of our intensions and conduct. With my love to all the dear ones at home, I remain, as ever,

Vinnie’s of the 25^th inst came to hand last evening. It pains me to hear of little George’s sickness. The little fellow seems to have his full share of the “aches and pains which flesh is heir to”; but I hope when he gets just a little older, that he will out grow them; and be strong and hearty. He is a magnanimous little hero, enduring his illnesses like a real soldier. If his uncle mistake not, he is destined to fight the battles of life most bravely. Kiss the darling boy and the cherub-faced Iris a dozen times for their absent and loving uncle. May God bless them in their uncle’s daily prayers.

As you doubtless know before now. Pa has come and gone. The four days which I had promised to spend with him were contracted to two; but I believe there was very little of the time to waste. Of course it was one of the treats of a lifetime – the details of the visit you will probably hear from him.

I attended the great mass meeting held in the Capitol last Tuesday evening. It was very interesting. I suppose there were five thousand people in the House of Reps and the Senate Chamber was also full. I heard Admiral Foote speak who is indeed a noble Christian man and a true patriot. Gov. Johnson addressed the meeting at length, endorsing heartily the policy of the Administration, and speaking strongly for the support of the Government. Men asked how long the war was going to last. It should last until the Union was re-established. If our Fathers fought seven years we ought to be willing to fight seventy. Nay! He was for prosecuting the war to all eternity before he was willing to see our glorious Government prostitute itself at the feet of vile Traitors – to which my soul responded – Amen!

My love to Vinnie. I trust her health is now [gand]. Please keep me informed as to the health of the little ones. I shall be anxious unless I hear from them often. Thank you for advancing the amt required in the case of sisters. I will see that it is promptly reimbursed as soon as possible.

I haven’t been able to find anything on the meeting, but Admiral Foote died a few months later and Governor Johnson was the military governor of Tennessee.

Your kind favor without date, I have just received. I cannot tell you dearest, how comforting and satisfying to me are the expressions of love and affection which it contains. Though far from you, believe me, loved sisters, your presence is with me daily. I see you as you were, and fancy you as you are. I pray for you improvement and happiness, and I thank the kind author of blessings for that treasure which I feel that I possess in you, my darling, loving sisters. I am very happy to know that your correspondence with Cousin Sarah is so pleasant. Few can boast of being entirely perfect; and I cannot think, as you know some have, that Coz S would willingly do wrong. At all events, I feel that she is endeavoring with us to improve; that she is perfectly sincere in her professions of friendship, and that we should wrong both cousin and ourselves not to give her our confidence and affection.

How far anyone should be made a confidant depends upon circumstances which neither relations of friendship nor love can control; but how cruel and unnatural would it be for us, who are so nearly allied by ties of blood, not to entertain for each other feelings of the strongest sympathy, and utmost union of spirit. This I believe to be the feeling which we all cherish; and now, dearest Sady, that we seem bound by so many similar ties of faith, of aspiration and of purpose, let us not fail to strengthen those cords which bind us together, until our Union shall be inseparably sealed in heaven. True, within the circle of our prayers, and affections we not exclude one of God’s accountable creatures; but this general love for all our fellows, and interest for them, will only heighten the enjoyment which we derive in that natural flow of affection, which we feel toward relatives and bosom friends.

I am made very happy, in many ways, dear sister, by the contents of your letter. You speak so definitely and encouragingly as to my yet prosecuting a course of study, that I cannot but feel that your decision is well nigh that of authority. I mentioned the matter to cousin Sarah and she seemed to be equally clear in her convictions. Pa too of late years, has seemed never to be able to fully to relinquish the idea; and our sainted mother, you know, always desired and prayed that this might be accomplished. Dr. McLaren, whose opinion I value very highly, always speaks most encouragingly upon this point, generally saying that he would not let the consideration of age make any difference. Perhaps dears, I shall yet, God willing, pass a time at college.

Yes! How comfortable I feel in the knowledge that dear father is once more at home! I read a letter from brother G this evening and he speaks of Pa as interesting them with narratives, attending to the building of fences, and taking a general look at the farm, laying out work for the summer campaign. His presence at home seems to diffuse a general cheerfulness, and, to use a mercantile phrase, to restore general confidence. How pleasant your vacations will be now dear Sisters! Pa intends as soon as possible, to secure a good girl.

I am glad to see you so much at rest as to the length of time you may spend at school, and to know that you are so conscious of present growth as to feel that whether the time be long or short you will not have employed it in vain. I am glad, because it convinces me that both heart and intellect are deeply interested in acquiring knowledge and wisdom without regard to the mere curriculum of study; or to what is not of the first importance although it is often so esteemed the hour of graduation and diploma. I trust however that circumstances will allow you to attend as long as you may desire. What are the reasons which have induced Sister Julia to attend no longer than this term? I do not think strange, dear Sister, of your mentioning your feelings at the time of our separation; to the contrary, I love to have you, whenever and however you may see fit give expression to that affection which I am so well assured I am the object of. Rest confident that these expressions awaken a quick and earnest response in my own heart.

I am gratified at the esteem which your entertain for Mr. Tifft. He seems to be a young man of integrity and honor; and I doubt not his motives are sincere and pure in his religious professions. Differing so greatly as he does from his father both in religious faith and in Politics would indicate well settled principals and much strength of character. He sees very gentlemanly in his bearing, and I doubt not is worthy of your friendship. I am not unwilling, if it be your inclination, that you cultivate his acquaintance.

Dear Sady; before me are eight full pages of large letter paper which I wrote a day or two since; but have failed until now to send. Perhaps they may not be entirely uninteresting or unacceptable to send now, and I will therefore enclose them with this. There are still some subjects in yours of the 20^th inst which I have not yet alluded to. That with reference to your relation capacity I will speak of in my next which I may write tomorrow, though I want to finish this to send by tomorrow mail. I will say here that I am not in the least surprised at this feeling which you sometimes have; and that perhaps I may be able to say something which will enable you to quiet at least these anxieties, so natural, and I suppose indeed common to all. As to the temporary disturbance of mind which you were in at the time of writing the letter above referred to, I suppose it long since were away; though I doubt whether you have so soon overcome that extreme sensitiveness, which we all inherit and of which it was but the natural consequence. This you should labor as rapidly as possible to overcome; but of this more in my next. When you receive these letters, dear Sady, I wish you would reply immediately, letting me know if you are pleased with them. In writing what I have, I have dwelt upon the general principles as I viewed them, of one or two of those subjects which seemed most to interest you more with the view of refreshing your mind, and perhaps of confirming you in those principals which you had already adopted, than because I supposed I as advancing anything new to you. If I shall have succeeded in this, I shall be very happy; and at the same time dearest I ought perhaps to beg pardon for this heavy requisition upon your time and patience. The love which I bear toward you and my desire to do anything in my power for your improvement must be my excuse. Write long and often, dearest;

Cousin Sarah may have been Sarah Beal, daughter of Mary Low Ayer Beal, sister of Ira Ayer, Sr. The 1860 census listed Sarah as being a teacher and living in Buffalo. She was 19 at the time. Or it could have been Sarah Lamb, daughter of Sarah Wadsworth Lamb. She was 16 at the time.

It has been some time since I read your last favor and it was only owing to circumstances which I could not well control, and not to indifference that it has not read earlier notice. I enjoy our correspondence very much. It does me much good to get letters often from you. We are now, as I suppose you have heard through other sources performing Provost duty in the city and comfortably quartered and are now having the pleasantest kind of duty, it being no other than escorting the Johnny Rebs of ‘fighting Joe” form the landing to safe quarters. I hope they will keep coming, will promise to guard them, even to a city full. But the news is still indefinite. We hope all is going well although here and in Alexandria there are rumors of Hooker’s repulse. How well founded a little more time will tell. We all wait here with intense interest the development of future events. God grant that they be eminently successful.

How are Vinnie and the babies? Can you not rouse the dear girl to a sense of her duties so that I may look for a letter from her as at least one of the probabilities of future events? I sincerely hope that she is fully recovered from the illness of which you spoke in your last. The doctor speaks of you now and then expressing a regret that he did not have an opportunity of becoming better acquainted with you. He has referred a couple of times to that terrifically ludicrous story of the Irishman and the Chaplain and seems to regard it as the most subliminal large one he has heard since coming into the Army. He says he told it once and only once when on leave and he was sorry afterwards that he had for the man was in a rail car and couldn’t restrain himself from the most uproarious laughter, which so attracted the attention of the unsuspecting passengers toward the quiet and amiable Doctor that he felt quite heartily non-pleased and uneasy.

I suppose everything is moving in its usual course in E. Please tell me anything of interest when you write. I am expecting Cousin Gorham and Nellie near about the first of June and shall write them soon. It would be very pleasant if you and Vinnie could come at the same time. Would it not be possible?

I am passing my time very pleasantly, having necessarily but little duty with the Regt. The Col & Lt. Col both being present. I spend my spare time in study and reading, and giving considerable attention now to Mathematics, looking it over I find that I cannot be happy without employing my time usefully in some way. Please write often my dear brother. May God bless us and ours enabling us to live upright and useful lives as we have so often talked, and so to trust in the merits of the Savior that we shall be found worthy of a peaceful and eternal rest, in Heaven where we shall be called [never]. Amen.

What Ira didn’t know on May 5^th about Hooker from Library of Congress Civil War Time Line:

On April 27, Union General Hooker crossed the Rappahannock River to attack General Lee's forces. Lee split his army, attacking a surprised Union army in three places and almost completely defeating them. Hooker withdrew across the Rappahannock River, giving the South a victory, but it was the Confederates' most costly victory in terms of casualties.

This battle was not too far from Washington and even 8 days later, little news had arrived.

Cousin Gorham is probably Gorham Beal, son of Mary Low Ayer Beal, sister of Ira Ayer, Sr.

I suppose you have already read my letter written jointly to yourself and Sister J a few days ago; and this will assure you of my gratitude with your last. I never thought of its being formal; but its style, penmanship, – everything very pleasing and attractive. This evening yours of the 5^th inst came to hand; and I cannot restrain the impulse which I have to answer it immediately. But first, my own dear Sady, let me assure you that in writing as you have, you have done very right; and that I feel very grateful and happy that you have seen fit to repose so much confidence in me. You are my own dear, noble Sister. Heaven bless you, dearest, and make the journey of your life, and dear J’s quiet and happy and useful. I love you, my own dear sisters more than I can tell you. May our Divine Savior safely guide us and ours to that brighter and better world when we shall join the loved who have gone before never to be separated.

Now, dear S, I address myself to the consideration of the subject matter of your last letters.

The views and sentiments which it contains are all so eminently just, suggestive and comprehensive, that I do not suppose I will be able to say anything which may not have occurred to you before; but this will matter but little if I may but be able to confirm you in views hitherto entertained; or perchance to bring more forcibly to you mind truths to which you may not have given as much attention. Perhaps in so doing I may say much which will be of little interest; but I feel confident that my motive will, with you, be a sufficient apology, and I may touch upon subjects which at not previous time would it perhaps have been proper to have dwelt upon; but which, from intimate connection with our happiness or unhappiness in the married state, will claim a place properly at this time. I do not forget, me dear Sister, that the instincts of woman are far superior to those of man; and that in consequence they are taught by their institutions, what men require years of experience and observation to understand; if indeed, they ever do. But I will end this long preface which suppose is as uninteresting as all generally are.

          I have just been reading over your letter again until coming to that portion where you speak of its being your duty to let him know at to whether you will receive his attentions, before he likes you any better.  I did not think of making this my starting point; but I may as well.  You would not be coquette; – that is noble and just like you my sincere and worthy sister.  Live true to your intuitions.  Let me doubly, – nay a hundred times emphasize this.  Be assured they are the voice of God in your heart; – the promptings of your inner most life, which, if they be not supported, will be to your female character as a wall of fire, leaving it pure and unsullied; and give to your experience the glow of a perfect and lofty individuality.  Temporizing and intrigue are thrown to the winds.  All the passions, all fears, all doubts, all anxieties are thrown into the winds.  God and his Christ, in all his revelations of truth and grace, in all his promises of pardon and protection, in all the sublimities of his creation, and in all his relations to us as our Guide and beloved heavenly Father, takes his place in our hearts instead.  Now the soul aspires after knowledge.  There is an inward yearning and striving after main light.  The Spirit seems to say “This is the way; walk ye in it; and the soul responds.  Yea blessed Lord; I see the way clearly.  I thank thee that thou hast shown me; for I was not worthy; but it is all of Christ. Oh! Lord; I will strive to walk therein.  I am now striving.  Oh! my adorable Lord and Savior; I thank thee that thou has put these things in my heart; and thou dearest Sister; what rest! what peace!  The soul is satisfied.  Is not this your experience?  Where can we rest short of having the life of God in the soul?  As I see more and more of the world, instead of being drawn away from religion, I am led the more to admire and value it.  I am often led to wonder that God has been so meaningful to me.  Why was I permitted to believe in Christ?  Why has divine grace preserved me from indulging in those heinous sins which would have wrought my present and eternal [suice].  How is it indeed that we should have a constant fear of sin before our eyes; for sin surely works spiritual darkness to our souls; and then come all the attendant evils for the soul is lost in spiritual night.  No friendly light can be seen.  It gropes and hesitates and turns back and cries aloud from very [angwik], just like the lost traveler upon winter’s night.  It is harassed with doubt and anxiety and perplexity, until as if by some infatuation it becomes used to its own unhappiness; or prostrate it cries, “Oh! that I know when I might find him!”  Thank God! my beloved S, if we have often so cried, he hath heard our voice – he hath heard the voice of our supplications; he hath mercifully bowed down and heard us; and brought peace and salvation.  Oh! shall we not pray earnestly for those who are so near and dear to us; that we may at least meet an unknown family in Heaven.
So much for your cogitations, emotions: and passive occupation of your legitimate strongholds. This is the time for thorough reconnaissances, in order to thoroughly satisfy yourself as to whether the still of the of the besieger is worthy of your own. You will thus be thoroughly prepared when the hour for decision comes. Understand: You do not hold out for appearance sake. What is beneath a true woman. But you compel him to thunder away at the walls of the citadel, in order to find out what kind of stuff he's made of; having done which you can either swing open the gates, or repel him with great slaughter. Then too, the tactics to which I referred, are only the intuitions and aspirations of a true woman's heart. By the latter I mean that she goes on as before, aspiring to make herself worthy of any man, rather than to commend herself especially to any one man. But I will close the subject in a general way, by saying that although the great design of the Creator is that there shall be marrying and giving in marriage he never designed that the union should be other than congenial, and such young man his proposals to you will it not be well to hold yourself accountable to some one before giving him your decision. It seems to me to be the part of wisdom and dignity. I will say nothing further in its commendation for I feel sure that you will see the benefit which may thus accure to a female by thus giving herself an opportunity for consultation and sober second thoughts after she is made perfectly certain of the intensions of a man; and when the last moment has arrived in which she can have an opportunity of studying the character of her suiter before giving him an answer. I speak of this as a principle which as would promise happiness, usefulness and honor to both parties. Better ten thousand times life singly than to accept the hand of one who you could not both respect and love. Religion and philosophy would enable you to live very happily in a state of single blessedness; but if you should disobey the teaching of both in accepting an alliance which your best judgment did not approve, the light which you may have derived from them will only serve to make your burdens doubly severe. Thus this matter stands as I view it, in its general aspect. I have refrained from speaking of the gentleman in question, because I feel myself too little acquainted with him to express any opinion concerning him, farther than what you may recollect I did in a former letter. I have no objections to your allowing him to cultivate your acquaintance. He seems to be a worthy young man. I do not know whether his is worthy to become your husband or not. If he is he is very worthy. I say what I know, dearest; and you must pardon this frank expression of the unvarnished truth.
One thing puzzles me a little - You say "There are so many different version of his character." This does not sound well for the young man. A man to be worthy of your must have but one character which would be quite likely to insure but one reputation.
Here sister, let me tell you though it is an unwelcome truth that there is a great deal of sin in this world, which perhaps one of your age and experiences may not have dreamed of. If you can secure a man who has been virtuous, who having inherited a good constitution, has preserved it unimpaired by reframing from vice of every description - from all manner of excess - then to start with you have made a good acquisition. If to this be added cultivation, a kind and christian heart, fine tastes, a good sense of honor, a firm self reliance, and worthy family connections - then if you have similar tastes and congenial qualities in common, and "nobody knows any good reason why you should not be man and wife," and you both want to be, be and both of you set yourselves about making each other the happiest mortal in the world, each of you being fully convinced that you have married the only person in the world that would have been so exactly suited to your in every way.
Well! I am on the last page of the 3^rd sheet. It is Saturday afternoon. I commenced this last evening. The sun is gradually sinking in the hazy western sky. Now and then the noted of a bird comes from the fresh green bowers of Spring; and in the spirit I'm borne to the hills of my native state where bloom my sisters fair and dear, sweet roses in my bosom. They are the choicest plants in my garden of love. In them seems much of the life that is dear and sweet to me.
      __________ It is evening, Saturday evening just after tattoo. Brighley is playing the fife and some one is playing upon the edge of his drum to the tune. Brighley is the crack player of the Division. He gets all the music there is in a fife out of it. All is quiet now in but the playing. The music comes in at my open window. The Doctor sits at his desk - a good, venerable Kind man as ever preached the word of God to sinful men. We are living very happily together.
     The news is today that Hooker has re-recrossed. I thing the rebels cannot hold out until next winter. There goes "Dixie" - ; a pretty tune- but I don't like the names. But I must close. Write soon love,
                                               Your affectionate brother Ira

P. S. Speak of this matter as often ay you want to. Remember, Dear S, your happiness, your interests, your welfare are mine. If you and dear J were unhappy, I should be. While you are happy I cannot be very unhappy. I have a suggestion to make to which I hope you will reply in your next ; it is this. If this or any other seems to me of such vital importance that I could not consent to close until I had spoken of it. At such a time, one should communicate to their confidant or counselor, for one in this country and at this time would not be [move] your full views concerning the man as formed from observations taken up to the latest data. All his good quality - all his bad qualities, who you think of the probabilities of working a reform if any and finally the main considerations which have induced you to commit your happiness to his care for life, if it shall meet the approval of the person or persons whom you may address. Mean thoughts are suggestive to [beear] but I think they are of vital importance. Ira

Dear Sister, having disposed of this case greatly to my satisfaction, I proceed with the business in hand which is to reply to your many favors.

I am not yet able to give you a decision yet upon the subject which most interests you, and therefore myself, touching your remaining in school. Nor am I anxious that you shall form a decided conviction so long as you are at liberty to defer it. The light of experience will necessarily influence your understanding and reason; and it is only from reason and principal that I am anxious that you shall act in the present case. I know that if you do this in very deed and truth you cannot fail to improve in that course which you may lay out for yourself to follow. I would prefer that you should make your own choice – especially if you could finally see that it would be by far better for you to pursue your studies to completion. But if when the time finally comes for a decision to be made, you are still unable to decide, and wish me to do so, I will with greatest pleasure. In the meantime, my own dear J, tell me all that you want to of your hopes and fears, plans etc. Do not think that I shall take you in any other way than the one you intend; for believe me, the welfare of my dearly beloved, and almost constantly remembered sisters, is the earthly interest which is the nearest and dearest to my heart. Nay; should one of you be removed from earth, it could be only the comforting and supporting grace of God which could fill the aching void. Where ever I go, and whatever my employment, the consciousness that I have two loving and beloved sisters, in always present with me; and imparts to my life a quiet and serene happiness.

Have you seen cousin Gorham and family yet? I suppose if you have not that you will next vacation. I understand that they intend visiting Washington about the first of June. This will be of course a grand treat for me. I believe that the program is that I shall return with them on leave of absence; and perhaps I shall. The expense would be considerable, as half pay is deducted during the time of absence; but the pleasure of seeing my friends once more would be great.

Pa says that of the two of you would prefer making some additions to the home comforts rather than to visit Washington at present. I think this will be wise on the whole, and I suppose this will be the plan adopted.

The weather is getting very warm here. Yesterday the thermometer stood at 90° in the shade. The Doctor and I walk out in the parks around the Capital many an evening, and talk and chat upon this subject and that until sufficiently cool to go to bed. It is a great place for “sparking” as the Doctor remarked last evening when we found nearly all the iron seats occupied by a young man and (as it appeared), his sweet-heart. Speaking of “sparking” makes me think of my courtship. When it will begin and when end heaven knows. The Doctor has a sweet daughter, I believe, and the Doctor likes me. I think, but the Doctor is not the daughter. Perhaps kind Providence may find for me some angelic Rebekah who being asked “Will thou go with this man?” will reply – “I will go.” The Doctor has a sort of fatherly feeling toward me I believe as though I was his son. Once he very delicately suggested that he supposed I had a sweet-heart – as a young man that was worthy of one ought to have; but he did not draw me out, because I thought it would be better not to be. There is no question but that he thinks of all these things; for he is one of your thoughtful, practical, kind-hearted, benignantly-look-through-the-lower-edge-of-his-spectacles kind of man, that you don’t meet with very often in this world of sin. He tells me what a good wife he has, what a good mother he had. The Doctor and I often talk together as freely as father and son, being restrained only by considerations of delicacy. He often opening by a sort of hint to me some of his family affairs. I in turn doing the same, so far as I think proper, allowing again to this subject which I was speaking of in the other sheet, there is something very pleasing at present to me in our personal relations. I look down into his pure, honest Christian, fatherly bosom, and wonder whether – yes wonder for the course all is doubt, whether he regards me any differently because he has a sweet daughter whom he thinks more of than his right eye or right arm, and who – though her very name is unknown to me, I am well assured will be marriageable for some time to come. One thing is certain I don’t labor to conceal any side of my character from him; though I leave him to draw his own inferences in some things just as he does me, which gives considerable zest to our intercourse so far as I am concerned; and for this reason. I say mentally – “I read your motives thus and so. How far do I read them correctly? I wait particularly for time to develop.” On the other hand I say mentally – “You, dear Doctor, read me thus and so. What do you read? What do you think? Time must develop – if anything does.”

You see then our present relations! The fact that I am well nigh 28, have a warm heart, believe myself capable of making a good husband for a good wife, and am determined to defer the matter until I can have a reasonable assurance that such is the wife I am about to make my partner for life, must be my excuse for dwelling as long upon this subject.

I have become so interested in writing to you this morning that 9 o’clock came before I knew it and I was first roused by the Doctor’s saying “Major, isn’t it time for the boat?” Looking at my watch saw enough it was more than time. I have now to wait for the 10 o’clock boat which accounts for my writing these lines. I do not know what the President of the Court will say; but it cannot be helped now. I shall not get there until 11- now, but I am seldom late. Perhaps the culprit will be late or the court late in convening, in which case my tardiness will not make any difference. This quit often happens. I think I will not send this letter this morning; but leave it open until I return, and finish it this evening. Perhaps I shall think of something more that I want to say.

Afternoon – It is half past two and I have retuned from court martial. The court didn’t sit today – no culprit there, no Judge Advocate there, hence the court had nothing to do; so after a ride of fourteen miles in a Steam Boat, four in a horse car and a sitting of a couple of hours in the dusty court room with nothing to do, I find myself bringing this letter to a close. Dearest Judy; there would be strange and incomprehensible mystery in life, if its intricacies were not unfolded by the light of Revelation. If I wanted any stronger proof of the exceeding sinfulness of sin and goodness of virtue than what I find in the Bible, it would be the unmistakable mark which either leaves upon society. The dissolute and profligate of this city of both sexes, and of every station, stamped as they are with the degrading impress of sin and from depths of which they cannot be extricated except by the Grace of God through Jesus Christ; these speak volumes for the math, the efficiency and the excellency of the Gospels. How thankful, even to tears ought we to be, that though sinners we have been preserved from so much [viab] would have worked to our injury. The teachings and influence of the ones we love who have gone before will never be forgotten to us. If they had faults (as who have none) it was not that they did not labor to instruct us in all that was right and just and good; nor that they failed to pray for our welfare, honor, and happiness. Oh my dear sister; let us commit our ways unto the Lord; for he will be our abiding strength and our perfect salvation.

Well this is funny talk to write to you, Judy, especially when I don’t know but I’m the last man in the world that this fine old gentleman would think of committing the happiness of his dear daughter to; but then there have been worse thoughts than these in the world, and funny things always will happen. But I will take another sheet and write a little more in the same strain.

What excellent and honorable relatives and friends – all in a matter of course kind of way, and of course with no mixture of vanity; but he delicately refrains from speaking of his daughter – i. e. the daughter who is I believe seventeen or eighteen and sweet as I said before.

How glad I should be if you could feel to speak freely to me upon this subject. Certainly if Christianity is a great faith, there is no other interest in this world which can compare with it. There is nothing upon which we ought to think about so much as this, – nothing which we ought to converse and write about as much. Write often dearest sister.

Your loving brother Ira.

Yours of the 6^th inst together with the enclosed returned! letter reached me a few days since. I presume it is for the best that Pa did not see it; but as one sin usually brings in its train a number of other, I suppose by this time, you have interrupted another letter in order to prevent father from suspicion that he did not receive a former one. If you have all right. I sincerely hope you did. I refer to the one in which I spoke of my attachment to a certain young lady in Washington. If Pa did not see the letter I hope you have kept it’s entire contents a secret from him; or if he did see it, I enjoin upon both of you as you love me, to keep it a profound secret in your own bosoms. Do not mention it even to sisters, as I have not done so yet. Tell me whether you have or not. When I tell you that my reasons for desiring secrecy are weighty with me, I am sure you will not wish me to speak further.

I read a letter from Uncle J yesterday and also one from him a few days since. The one which I read from Br George, I intended to have answered before now; but have failed thus far. I think I shall write to father again soon, remodeling the letter so as to leave out the objectionable parts. I am now intending to come home about the 10^th of July if I can secure a leave of absence. Cousin Gorham left Washington a do or two since. We had a very pleasant visit together although I had considerable trouble ingetting a pass to the city.

I enclose two or three “carte-de-visites” which can be placed with me other “relics” of the war.

Dearest Vinnie; I was very glad to get even a short note from you. Why can you not write often to me? It would give me great pleasure to write to you but you know it is a pretty hard matter to keep up a one sided correspondence. How are the babies especially the fine noble boy George? How I should enjoy a romp with the flaxen haired Iris. Kiss them both for their soldier uncle. Give my love to all, and much to your own dear self, Dear Vinnie.

Often since I parted with you and your dear family, have I longed for an hour of leisure and suitable conveniences to write to you. It is only by giving expression to that burden of love which I feel toward you all, that I can find relief. This, together with that uniform kindness, cordiality and sincerity which you have always manifested toward me, must be my only apology for addressing you with that freedom and candor with which I would speak to my own Dear Mother. I esteem it as the chief happiness of my life that I ever was an inmate of your happy home.

Separated from you and surrounded as I have been continually with the excitement and all the stern realities of war, still I have never for an hour forgotten you. Fond memory lingers around the sweet and happy associations of my acquaintance with you and your dearly loved ones. I cannot tell fully wherein its sweetness to me, but still almost increasingly do I find gushing up in my heart like the waters of some pure and living spring, a love which I never before entertained for any, except those of my own Dear Home. Still I think I am enabled somewhat to analyze the power of which draws me so mysteriously to you. It is the affection and love, and the sweet spirit of piety that pervades your home. I will not speak more. Words seem so formal my Dear Madam, this is unsatisfactory for me to attempt to express what I feel. You must allow me here to express to you my gratitude for so kindly and generously giving me her to love and protect who so dear to me, and who I know was one of your most precious []. When I first mentioned this subject to you, I loved Jennie as I had never loved another; but I did not know her fully. My love for her was increased from day to day, with our further acquaintance, until it seems to me that the happiness of my life depends upon her sweet companionship. I do not believe that any ever loved more truly and purely than do we. This sweet union of our hearts – this commingling of our affections – was not, I believe, sought by either of us, We rather, I think, thought not to love too well; but our hearts blended in the sweetest sympathies and we believe the result is of divine direction. With approval of our Heavenly Father and of those near and dear to us we feel that we cannot but be happy. My time is quite limited and I must close. Please write to me at your earliest convenience. We expect to move forward even into Virginia. I know that I have the prayers of those dear to me. I remember you all to love yours.

It is Saturday evening after an extremely hot day; & the evening maintains the character of the day that it follows. Hearing that the sutler was going out tomorrow, I write this note to send by him. Major [Mylie], I understand is going or gone to [beiy] the troops.

I reached here in safety on Monday afternoon. On Thursday evening I had the pleasure of calling on you friends in 13^th Street; & now recon them my friends too. I also spent last evening there, & by enjoyment there made sweet today with Mr. James to the [Boperfating] Gardens – a visit which was highly gratifying to my floral taste. The family, embracing of course Miss Jennie, are all well. And I need scarcely say that I am much obliged to you for making me acquainted with them.

I hear that you are near Rappahannock Station, & that the rest of the army have remained near Warrenton & the Railroad. Please inform me by mail where you are – say the middle of next week so that I can return to the Reg! I am well rested now & feel quite able to march to Richmond if Gen Meade shall lead in that direction. My prospect of a hospital appointment is not bright; there being no vacancies except at Vicksburg & Memphis, whether I have no desire to go this hot weather. Indeed I think on the whole prove what I learn, I would prefer being with the 10^th Regt P.R.C. to being in a Hospital here.

I have seen

Col.

Warner twice since I came in. He has not yet had the operation performed, the surgeons have made some examinations – reconnaissance, to find where the enemy lies. He appears to be better than when he left us.

I have nothing further to add. Please write me early after receiving this, addressing me simply “Washington D.C.” Yours very sincerely

A sutler - someone who follows an army around selling good2. I guess they may also deliver mail.

We are now encamped near Rappahannock Station, and very little is transpiring of interest. The general impression seems to be that we are destined to be idle in camp until filled up, which will probably require a month or two. We expect an active campaign during the Fall – one which we hope will finish the rebellion. The cheering news from all parts of the South, and great success of this Army at Gettysburg have given to all the more renewed spirit and confidence. That Pennsylvania Campaign was a great event for us. I have never seen such regular and rapid and long – continued marching the men – all of them seemed possessed of the same spirit – viz. to fight – to the death. It was a hard-faught battle; but through the skill of our comrades, and the spirit of the men God gave us a great victory. I am looking forward Dear Brother & Sister to a time not far in the future as I hope when I may lay aside the sword and enjoy again the pursuits of Peace.

Yesterday afternoon was the sword presentation to the Genl Meade – which took place at the Hd Qus. of our Division. Among those present were Gov, Curtin, Hon John Covode and some prominent politicians from Philadelphia. I suppose the occasion was much like all similar ones. Speeches were made – much like all speeches made by politicians, and to finish there was a supper. Together with song – singing and whisky-drinking. I doubt much the papers will blaze it over the country as a grand and interesting ceremony but I confess that for my part I never returned from any place so disgusted and sick at the heart as from there. The Presentation of itself was good – General Meade spoke modestly & well, and Leut Farney who was present made some very excellent remarks.

I am very well as usual. Being at present on Picket with a [cauper] of hundred men. I write this under a little shelter tent upon the end of my hand-[wunts]. I have recently applied for a Leave to visit you; but without success. I want to see you all very much, but I fear I shall not be able to before winter, if indeed I am then. Orders even concerning Leaves to Washington are very strict, and I suppose will continue to be for some time to come. I hope you & dear Vinnie will both write soon. I want to hear from you both very much. How are the little ones? Give them a kiss for their uncle Ira. I read a letter from Pa a few weeks ago in which he hinted slightly as to the future. Tell Vinnie that I am glad she returned me the letter as she did. I wish you would give me a little account of affairs as they stand at present. . . . of your own & Vinnie’s view concerning maters. Please tell me concerning Mr Savage; and give him my kind remembrance.

You must pardon my long silence for this time. I mean to be more regular in the future. Certainly we shall never entertain anything but the most intimate & brotherly feeling – we never could; and I know that we both feel the same as to correspondence. My never failing love to dear Vinnie & the babies. Make Vinnie write me a few words in your letter if no more.

John Covode: He was a representative and a famous politician at the time. Key confidant to Lincoln and in fact Lincoln referred to him as "Honest John" which is probably the origin to the cliché. (research by Brad)

Your affectionate letter containing your [type] which I think quite natural – and “splendid” to use sister J’s word, I have just received. Pa’s good, long letter part of which well nigh affected me to rears of laughter; and part of which did affect me to tears of joy and thankfulness, for the kind words of fatherly monition which I always want to receive, came by the same mail. With them both I almost feel that I am now ready for whatever a kind Providence has for me to do – now for a good hot battle if it must come; and if the result would be (as I have no doubt it would be) the taking of Richmond. Pa’s letter I must take another day for, as this one is pretty far and received already and I find my brain teeming with innumerable things to write to you, my dear, sweet, loving sister.

Leaving dear sister Julia to reply to letters which I have recently written her, I take up the thread of my subject – a subject of great interest to me – when it was dropped; and with your consent, my dear Sadie, will continue my story ad libitiun. I may say however that I have told the longest part of it; – especially as since the reception of all your last good letters. I am led strongly to suspect that I have been troubling sister J with what I have written before: but which facts I had become blinded to owing to the ardon and fervency which is usual under similar circumstances. I will only say then (to take up the thread), that dear Jennie embodies all the virtues of the James family and none of the faults – the former of which I have heretofore narrated at some length; and the latter of which I am only waiting to discover in order duly to communicate. In placing myself upon this broad, simple, and elevated platform, I have only one request to make; and that is that you will make all due allowances for this frank and sincere declaration of a true lover. I do love Jennie, dear Sadie. I do not know whether she would seem beautiful to others or not – what think you? – I only know that she is very beautiful and very sweet to your brother Ira. If I had always been falling in love, and acted like a boy in love matters, you nor I would not think very strange of this attachment; but you know I have not; and moreover I have seen and known many good and what many would call beautiful girls; and you know also, dear sister, that if I had loved any of them as [effilt] that I must love the one whom I was to call my wife, I at least had the courage to tell them so. But I did not. Of course, you know, I could not help but like some of the girls very much, because girls are each beautiful and lovely creatures, but then, you know also, that there is a great difference between like and love – that which if I should attempt to explain (under existing circumstances) you would think me beside myself. Well! Your dear letter satisfies me. I am content. I want no more. My father, my sisters are pleased. It suffices me. In the language of the great – [soniare], I can say – “Sink or swim, [VC]” – with a slight change at the [close] – the sentiment of which is that I am Jennie’s heart and hand and that God permitting she shall one day be mine. Dear Sadie; if necessary you must pardon what might seem a little humorsome, in any part of the above, for so grave, beautiful and elevated a theme. There is one consideration, however – it is not a melancholy one; and if you see anything wrong you must lay it to Pa, and punish him; for I think the fault lies partly with his funny letter.

Yes, Sady dear, write a good, long, sisterly letter to dear Jennie. She will love dearly to have you, I know. She loves you all very much. – Pa and my sisters; and I am so happy to know that you will receive her as a dear sister. I feel that you will know just now to write to her; you are so good and kind, my dear sister. I want, dear sister Julia to write to her too. I said long – you can write long or short as you desire. Indeed perhaps a short letter neatly written (love) would be as well; – but please yourself. Well! I will not say much more about Jennie this time – a little however (with your permission), Jennie is not unsophisticated; she has moved in the best society in Richmond and still from choice partly; and partly from education she has retained a beautiful simplicity of manners. She has a warm sincere, heart. Jennie loves one with all the devotion of a first, true, pure, elevated love. It is indeed a pure-minded, refined, beautiful, sweet girl’s love, for one whom she considers well, nigh perfect. Still Jennie is very womanly. She has a mind of her own, which is not easily changed, and a heart as true as steel. You, sister, can imagine how I value that love. Its price to me is above – infinitely above – wealth, as position, or personal beauty alone, or all combined. In short if dear Jennie should be taken from me, the light and joy of my heart would be gone. In the thought of such an event my eyes are sometimes filled with tears. I love Jennie as tenderly. But I do not suppose Jennie is perfect. All I care to know that is that my dear sisters will look upon Jennie’s faults only as upon a sister’s. If Jennie does err it will not be intentionally; and I have seen few, none who seemed to have more spiritual light than she. Now I think I have told you all I want to – No! not quite, Jennie is industrious. She believes in work. She has been brought up to it. The Doctor was in the city and visited them several times. She sent me out a beautiful cake made by her own hands. The servant is sometimes sick – she fills the servant’s place. Jennie is not very large, you know; but I would not have her different. What do you think of just five feet anyway? Jennie’s form is pretty. She is at home in the parlor, at the Piano, and she sings and plays the guitar very prettily. I do not say that in any of these she excels – that would be saying much; and besides, I am not a judge. But I think if she failed to exhibit much taste in all of these – or any of them, – I should detect it. Do you not think so? Jennie is, to me, very beautiful, very loveable, very, very sweet, and very, very, very near my heart. I think I have prolonged my love story sufficiently to satisfy – even one in love. I am finished. When you write, as you must do upon receipt of this, do not fail to answer any little questions that I may have asked, as though they may seem of slight importance. I still desire an answer.

Now, Sady dear; in the light of the present letter, do you not think my last to you was about perfect after all? Think of the dignity and importance of the subject. Think of the interests involved. Think of the responsibility which, with a sister’s love, you placed upon me. In such an epistle aught there to be an unnecessary word? or should a necessary one be left out? The answer is plain. The conclusion at one follows, viz No! – that’s from the whole of Noah Webster’s Collection. I had to collect –

Now dear Sister, it will be apparent to you what an immense amount of exploration you furnished me; and especially will your mathematical mind comprehend how almost unheard of was the example of permutations and combinations you gave me to work out. Who could have done better? I challenge the world to perform it more successfully. – I sit vindicated.

Sept 11^th Dear Sady; after writing thus much I was taken quite sick and for twenty four hours was in much distress. I think I was threatened with some kind of a fever; – and the symptoms were quite aggravated; but thanks to kind Providence the medicines were efficacious, and I hope in a few days to be as well as ever. Read a letter from Bro Geo today and from him learn that sister Vinnie is home with you. Hence I do not feel desirous of speaking at length upon your future relations as I otherwise would. Dear Vinnie, can suggest to you more wisely than I possibly could, But your own well meaning heart will never allow you to go far out of the way. I am happy to know that the arrangements for your marriage are all so happily and satisfactorily adjusted. I pride myself upon being the first to kiss the bride and to wish you both much joy, which I hereby most sincerely and lovingly do. I suppose, sister Juty, amid the marriages and rumors of marriages is pursuing silently and calmly (I believe she don’t like the word) the even tenor of her way, waiting in faith and confidence for that millionaire to propose to her; for you have surely not forgotten what the “old Fortune Teller told her – that she was to marry a man of immense wealth. Well! I’ll risk Juty anywhere and anytime o’day. Indeed judging from all that I can gather there seems to be a prospect (seemingly) of one too many weddings, rather than one too few; – but certain it is that marriage is one of the first laws of Nature – to use the language of the distinguished Mr “Move the World.” I will close, dear sister, in order to send this out by the next mail. Write soon, Love to all.

I was much pained to hear of the death of Selina + Nellie. It is very sorrowful. I hear from Cousin Emily that Cousin Gorham has been very sick; but; is now better. Is Cousin Charley’s health improving? Tell [beg] Lady that a good old-fashioned letter is fourth coming although long-delayed. Give her my love and a rousing Kiss. Indeed you may as well give my love to all inquiring friends – now I think of it. I send you two very loving Kisses Lady dear, and one very, very loving one to Sister Judy. I will send her two when she makes up her mind to be a woman and get married as you have done. I desire by this to most warmly rebuke the sentiment which I have heard her express (if my memory serves me right) that she is never going to get married.

(Aside) Probably Sister Sady will not charge me with formality in this letter (spoken with a sigh and look of exultation)

Sarah gets married on September 20^th (only 11 days later) to Simon E. Tift. It is interesting that when Sarah is about to get married, he spends so much time talking about Jennie.

Ira calls his sister Sarah Sadie and Sady and his sister Julia either Juty or Jutz and Judy.

A few hurried lines will be acceptable saying we are all well except sister Emma who has been suffering for the past day or two Severe[Muralgser] in her head arising from a decayed tooth partly and partly cold. She has [taken]. She is just going to have her tooth extracted. Poor child has suffered intense agony. She has never had a tooth [] I do not know how she will endure the operation. Dr Major your letter of yesterday gave us some little [uneasinen] fearing perhaps you are not as well as you assume. We sincerely hope it is nothing very serious. You have taken cold and not paid attention sufficiently in due time. Now dear Sir is it impossible under the circumstances of your [indispotion] for you to come to Washington for a few days to rest and [Gestow] how happy we should all be too have you a few days if no longer. You are moving too we are not aware of the cause that makes a movement of the Army hastily. Let me say we all love you, pray for you without [Army] hoping in the Goodness of God toward You especially in the hour of need love to dear McLaren

403 13^th St, Washington, DC, 27 Oct/63

Major Ira Ayer

My very dear Friend Ira,

In contemplating the being of “God” we view through all his works admirable correctness [ordes] and finish and by which we can attain large Ideas of his nature as they testify of Him. His works praise him and as far as we are make pure and wise by the lessons we secure. (having line upon line precept upon precept) So we are ready not only to assent, but to act in concert with his plans, and identify ourselves on the side of his proposals and cause and work out, and live out the doctrines he has [propounded] in doing which we arrive at the point of proof and those principles or any if at all problematical are demonstrated by experienced, and question, research is rewarded by the object we desired, the object being legal under the enrollment of the Divine Institutes made so provided so, we hold an inherent right to them which is verified as we enter upon those Sacred conditions and sincerely apply ourselves to the claims which these Institutes demands. We may lack wisdom or power in the fulfillment of all these claims in their perfect character and as we enter upon these feel unworthy or unfit for the task, but the Founder, in this as in other things exhibit the perfections of his Nature, in providing for the necessities of the case and says, “If any lack wisdom let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not [“lcr] [Shewing] He has not said anything as a rule without providing for accomplishment. Then if we calmly enquire for convictions of truth. Is this? (anything; everything, which we feel concerns us.) The act of God? Then research into their principles how they bear upon our actions; and implicit obedience in our appliance will secure to our effort those blessing the purpose of god designed we should enjoy they will not blight and fade, but ripen with ourselves in immortality and a never dying satisfaction will attend their possession and bear evidence in our ever [duning] reflection of the goodness of their author and given. It is compatible with the divine pleasure that his gifts should be duly appreciated and enjoyed, as this meets the design. He gives to enhance enjoyment, it is collateral evidence of His character, and fulfillment of his Law and the mind that can write upon all the precautions of the Divine Hand. The goodness of God! from his own undoubting [expenince]) is nearest the profound Union with him which realizes an everlasting peace based upon a confidence never to be shaken, He may live at home within the Sacred [precints] of his Sanctuary Eating the Bread, and drinking that water which will ever Satisfy, and the Lord Jesus Christ came on Earth to bestow.

He gave life, not merely brute life. He united a control power to this life. He endured it with a principle peculiarly mysterious! He threw himself into and associated himself with it. He became a relation to its Life and happiness to those exhausting faculties an inexhaustible Source, to the finest Sensibilities a pure flame of vital enjoyment and the highest flights of imagination may realize a truth ever exceeding its graph, how mature and perfect that intelligence may be. In connection with himself he has opened various channels and subordinate resources with exquisite touches of Sensitive beauty, which operate as so many focuses in which centers all the beauty and richness of external nature, and without which would be void of intelligence a blank Leaf! These subordinate relations are as so many arteries through which circulates the life: communicating vitality to our faculties from the infinite source. He saw and felt (end of page 2 – I skipped 1 ½ pages)

I have spoken (conformably with an intimation in your letter) to the war department. I am advised that when you want to come on a furlough say December, prepare and write your request to the Sec of War and ask Gen Meade to endorse his approval upon it and send it to me and I will present it in person attaching what importance I can to it and no time need be lost or uncertainty arise. I am under the need of apology I am troubled with a heavy cold and cough much while I am writing and my time limited therefore look over some errors which may exist in this epistle. Jennie is well, Mother is better, Saml has a cold, all the matters of general import. I desire to be remembered to your Hon Father, and same other family kindred when you work that way,

I am yours affectionately Wm James

Sir - I respectfully apply for a pass to Alexandria for three days to transact important private business.

I am Mayor
Very respectfully
Your obedient servant
Ira Ayer Jr
Major 10^th Regt PRVC

On the morn of the 21^st alt. at the Foundry M. G. Church, by the Rev. Dr. Ryan, JENNIE, daughter of William James, Esq., Treasury Department, and late of Richmond, Va, to Major IRA AYER 10^th Regiment P R O. The ceremony was performed with much solemnity beneath the folds of our national flag, in the presence of a large attendance of distinguished friends, both military and citizens.

I duly received yours of 23^rd Baltimore date and we are happy to know you are well and so well associated, with each other, and prospect of Love unity and happiness, and you have all my wishes & prayers for your highest attainment. We felt as if a member of our [percous] was removed and one of our choicest Plants from our Nursery; Still we derive consolation, that, you are in the progress of events in the order of Devine Providence. He that rules, holds all important issues in his hand and will govern them aright for those who put their trust in him.

I rest in faith respecting you, because you, and those circumstances have been the subject of prayer, that a deliberate decision has resulted upon proofs adequate to dispel all other, and establish permanent confidence: Yet we must remember that all our future blessings are conditional, and our duty is implicit before us. That a proper application will ever insure a Supply of the Divine Goodness and satisfy the immutability of the gracious covenant, of God: The future is bright in “God! But otherwise dark: pregnant with events which none can control, not foreseeing; yet every anxiety dissipates before the experimental fact he governs at his will, and his will is our well being in time, and for ever; his angels are in charge; his ministers of mercy! And we must remember that what we have and what we enjoy we have from him and demand our gratitude in expressions of thanksgiving. So teach us to number our days that we may apply our heart into wisdom.

The heart affections qualified by the love of God and so chaste, delightful, and benign: that no other source can supply; and no other thou heaven born objects can sutestain, then, when all in one halo, tending to one [Counnou cuter]. The nucleus of which is the Source of our enjoyment and an everlasting power, we shall enlarge in the fullness of God forever!

I have not sent the Cards. I will endeavor to do so; I sent to the chronicle office a report of the Marriage and not knowing that they made a change I sent no money; so they did not put it in the paper; I find that the sending cards are also gone out except on some special occasions.

Mother has not been well since the 21^st till today. She appears to be better and we are otherwise well Mother secured some condoling visits, and Jennie’s many friends lament that she is gone from their circle of which she appears to have been the center, Also the [coitigue] of the Lady circle have passed a high [encouicuned] in favor of the Bridegroom. I am [Militaned] and add that Jennie has done just right to have so enlisted in the 10^th Pa Res. To all our joint relatives and friends we desire to be affectionately remembered and remain

You will be surprised to see my letter dated from this place; but there is no mistake, at least in my writing, for here we are, bag and baggage. I must give you a good deal of history in a few words. I returned to camp on Thursday afternoon. Col Knox had received his papers and left us on Friday (Christmas) morning. Capt Over took command. On Saturday morning, orders came to the Regt and all the Brigade to move at 11 o’clock a.m. It was done. We were on the way by 11 or so a little before, and camped about a mile short of Manassas, the 11th Regt having halted at Bristoe, Division Headquarters. This Sabbath morning, we came up here, and relieved the 1^st Regt, Col Talley, who have gone a little beyond Bristoe. The 5^th is near us, and the 9^th and 12^th, are at Bull Run. Companies A & I are a mile south of us. We have eight companies with here. The quarters are generally comfortable the far inferior to the new, substantial mansions that we left. I speak of the men’s quarters. Headquarters are better. We have a house with a good roof and floor and thick plank walls. It had been heated with a stove, which the vacating tenant, Maj. Kaufman, took with him. A fireplace and part of the chimney have been built today, decreed a work of necessity as it was cold and threatening rain. The fire has been kindled and the chimney, although not as kept as the house, drains well. Capt Over has his quarters here. Tomorrow it is hoped the masonry on the chimney will be finished. It is dark and rainy outside; now, within warm and cheerful. I feel thankful for these comforts, while I sympathize with those who are exposed. The 5^th Regt, I understand, are out in the field without cabins and a scanty supply of wood.

A very serious accident occurred last night at Bristoe. A railroad train ran off the track. A large number of soldiers were on the train – some of them connected with our Brigade. Quite a number were injures, several were killed. Five, of Co D., were of the former class, one, of the 9^th Regt, was killed. I intend to go to the hospital, at Bristoe, tomorrow to see them.

I suppose that were are fixed now for the winter. This is the fifth time now our men have fixed up quarters this Fall. What illustration of the mutability of army affairs & orders in this world! And what admonition to stand [loose] worldly things.

I called at 203 13^thStreet, hoping that, possibly, you might be there. Of course I was disappointed in that particular. I there learned that fact, expected and agreeable, of your promotion to the married state. I congratulate you and your lady, both, on the happy occasion, which I hope will be the commencement of long series of happy days and years to you, as a united pair. May God’s favor be and abide with you, in my earnest prayer. I wish you may enjoy your period of leave. I assure you I enjoyed mine. I found my wife and children well and happy – a happiness that I shared and promoted during my seven days stay at home. The weather has been decidedly cold, but is mild now & for two days past. The ground was barely whitened once; now is covered with water & mud.

My kindest regards to Mrs. Jennie Ayer, and to your brave father and gentle sisters; and also to Dr. Barr.

Notes:

In accordance with Bates’ History of Pennsylvania Volunteers, “The Tenth Regiment was stationed at Warrenton Junction, and subsequently at Manassas Junction, where it was charged with guarding the road from Bristoe Station to the Bull Run Bridge, under the immediate command of Captain Pattee, of company B, a brave and skillful officer. During the entire winter the enemy's cavalry and bushwhackers greatly annoyed the guard. No soldier could go beyond rifle range of the camp without danger of being shot or captured, and as many casualties occurred, a constant and untiring vigilance was necessary for the safety of the camp and the road.

Upon the resignation of Lieutenant Colonel Knox, Major Ayer assumed command, and was subsequently commissioned Lieutenant Colonel. Abandoning winter quarters on the 29th of April, the regiment moved to the neighborhood of Culpepper, where it joined the army under Grant, the Reserves, commanded by Crawford, being still attached to the Fifth Corps.” (

I am writing at this time in haste. Since my last in reply to yours from Baltimore we are greatly afflicted. Your dear mother was sick the Morning of the 21^st and seemed as usual to have again attained her usual health. But on Sunday 27^th when she was giving out Tea, she was suddenly [scojed] with a severe and unusual attack which almost for a time paralyzed her whole frame and here heart beat violently. She thought she was dying. She rally’d and appeared better and on Sunday we thought she was well again, but she has continued to have them repeated from Tuesday to the present and this morning she is very low; There is evident danger in these attacks and if they do not cease they will remove her from Earth to Heaven. I am with her constantly and Bessie Byers came 22^nd. We are all otherwise well. But Mother is still very ill! I will write you again if any change. Our love to you all we hope to see you soon. Mother wishes you to at once.

Bessie is Elizabeth Byers, William's niece through his sister Susan James Byers. Bessie was born in Wales and grew up in New Hampshire. She came to visit the family on 22 December 1863 and stayed at least into April (the last time she showed up in a letter).

Project Ayer - Civil War 1863 - Transcriptions

Notes: